Must lose my time in someone.
Must choose out of the interested pile.
Must forget you.
Impossible, but I need something “serious” to pretend.
Must have sober sex.
I’m booking six different shows right now.
I’m so frazzled that I sent a band their own bandcamp to show them a touring band. And then I asked a person to play a show with the wrong band name. x_x
But! I secured another date at The End.
Jesus Christ. With a lotta bit of effort.
What happens when you realize you’re only attracted to the superficial?
When all you were seeking was something different?
What happens when you try to go back?
Do you indulge? Do you admit you were wrong?
What happens when it all comes crashing down?
I dunno. But I wait. And wait.
OH FUCKING WELL.
I’m so fucking tired.
So fucking tired.
The night when your distractions are all busy, and it’s raining.
I’ve got like five comics to read….might as well crack in.
First up…Y: The Last Man
Already fantasizing about how if this were a reality, how truly happy I would become.
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I dunno what I’m doing.
But I’m having a lot of fun.
Therapy going great.
Summer 2k14 is back on track to be fucking stellar.
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Bought a Wiccan necklace with a glass vial containing a spell and mix of herbs/crystals to enhance prosperity in all facets of life.
And a good thing happened the first day I wore it.
Coincidence or magic, that’s pretty fucking tight.
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When you say it’s gonna happen “now”
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See I’ve already waited too long
And all my hope is gone
Morrissey last night was a religious experience. And he touched my feels.
I haven’t gone to bed till five in the a.m. for the past three days.
And I’ve never felt better.
I love you guys.
I’ll sleep when I’m dead. I haven’t felt this okay in too long.
It’s going to be okay. I promise. It’s going to be okay.Or maybe I’m being too positive. Who knows? Time.
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Normally I’d pass on Bukowski, what with not being a horny teenaged boy.
But this will do.
Finding out details about things I’m not supposed to know.
I have no idea what I’m doing anymore.
I have no idea how to make myself worthy again.
I am so confused, and you don’t care if my mind collapses in on itself.
All I want is for you to care. Again.
How do I fix this?I just want so much to not be sad anymore. Make all this right. Why is all this happening to me?
And my day was going so well….
I apologized to everyone who I’ve treated or spoken ill if, and it’s just seen as me being opportunistic or pandering. I was told that I push people away with my behavior, and I apologized for it.
Somehow that makes me get accused of being manipulative. When I finally try to make ammends and be a fucking adult it gets thrown in my face.
I went so far as to apololigizing to people I haven’t spoken with IN YEARS because it lifted weight off me to tell them hey I know I’ve been shitty.
And I was having a good day. I didn’t talk to him, I drew THINGS. I felt ok.
Then I had my night dashed into thousands of pieces right when I was about to get sleep for the first time in weeks.
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. Have I really been that bad that when I try to make ammends it’s suspicious? That nothing I say can be trusted?
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